Jimmy Kimmel and Ted Cruz Rekindle an Old Feud

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Kimmel vs. Cruz, the Rematch

Jimmy Kimmel on Tuesday rehashed the main points of a brand new feud with Senator Ted Cruz. It started, Kimmel defined, when the Texas Republican posted a tweet through which he referred to the U.S. navy as “woke” and “emasculated.”

“Which I pointed out fairly, I thought, is funny coming from a guy who let Donald Trump use his testicles on the driving range,” Kimmel mentioned. “I mean, look, he was Trump’s Theon Greyjoy,” he mentioned in reference to the character from “Game of Thrones,” who was castrated.

Cruz responded by tweeting about his profitable a one-on-one basketball sport with the comic in 2018.

“He’s right. It’s true. I do have to live with that forever. You have to live with being Ted Cruz forever, which is so much worse.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“After you won the game, do you remember what I did? I said, ‘Good game, thanks’ and I shook your disgusting hand. I didn’t complain that it was rigged. I didn’t ask for a recount on the referee. I didn’t start a conspiracy theory about the basketball having a microchip in it. I accepted it. I brought shame on my family and I embraced it, as I always do. And, I mean, listen, it was a terrible day. I lost a basketball game to a man who ate one of his own boogers during a presidential debate.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Biden and Putin, Together Again Edition)

“Well guys, at this time, the White House introduced that President Biden could have his first one-on-one assembly with Vladimir Putin on June 16. Yeah, it’s a pleasant reminder that after a 12 months in quarantine, you’re going to must see some folks you don’t like.” — JIMMY FALLON

“I can’t wait to see how these two guys try to out-macho each other during the summit. It’s like, [imitating Biden] ‘I don’t need a bathroom break, do you?’ [imitating Putin] ‘No, in fact let’s take off our shirts and have a pec-flexing contest.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Yep, this will be their first in-person meeting since Biden told Putin, ‘I don’t think you have a soul.’ It’s going to be fun when Putin tells Biden, ‘Say once more so I can use for outgoing voice mail.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“They just hope it does not come down to a staring contest, because both of those guys have had a lot of Botox. Could be a long one.” — SETH MEYERS

“According to the White House, Biden and Putin will discuss a full range of pressing issues from Ukraine to government hacking to whether or not they’ve guessed the killer on ‘Mare of Easttown.’” — JAMES CORDEN

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