Jimmy Fallon Throws Jabs at Trump’s New Tour With Bill O’Reilly

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Tour de Distorts

Donald Trump and Bill O’Reilly introduced a brand new talking tour on Tuesday, with dates lined up in Texas and Florida for December.

“It should be a fun tour. Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice?” Jimmy Fallon joked.

“When he heard, Sean Hannity was like, ‘Well, I met someone new and totally awesome, too, so.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“He’s teaming up with Bill O’Reilly for a series of live events they’re calling ‘The History Tour,’ which was also the name of Michael Jackson’s tour 25 years ago. And wait until you hear those two duet on ‘The Girl Is Mine.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Better lock up your daughters. Seriously, though, it’s probably best if you do. You know, just till they’re out of town.” — SETH MEYERS

“They’re planning to do four shows, and tickets go on sale next week. So if you enjoyed Charlie Sheen’s ‘Violent Torpedo of Truth’ tour, but weren’t so excited about the ‘truth’ part, this might be your thing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Internet Outage Edition)

“The internet was down for almost an hour today. Multiple major websites crashed this morning due to an outage at a company I’d never heard of before, a cloud services company called Fastly, which sounds like it was named by Donald Trump demanding a Diet Coke.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Amazon, CNN, The New York Times, Pinterest, Twitch, Google, eBay and more went offline for 50 minutes. It led to the world’s most productive hour of time in the last 30 years.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“It even affected the print edition’s front-page story: ‘Error 503: Newspaper unavailable.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Amazon’s website was temporarily down this morning due to an issue with their cloud computing services provider. But don’t worry. I’m sure that flight into outer space next month will go great.” — SETH MEYERS

“But it all came back, thank goodness. Everyone in the world hit control-alt-delete at the same time and, voilà, the internet is back — whew!” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“But don’t worry: Serious news sources, like this show, were untouched.” — JAMES CORDEN

The Bits Worth Watching

Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jimmy Fallon celebrated the Great White Way’s return with “Broadway’s Back.”

What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night

Lisa Kudrow will reconnect with James Corden, the “Friends” reunion host, on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”

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