Stephen Colbert Tackles Books About Trump’s Time in Office

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Good Reads

“We’re learning a lot of new details about the last days in office of former president, the Turd Reich,” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday of Donald J. Trump. Those books have names like “Landslide,” “Betrayal” and “Nightmare Scenario,” which Colbert mentioned was “also how the former president describes having to read a book.”

“Other new books are using titles that are actually quotes of his, like ‘I Alone Can Fix It,’ and ‘Frankly, We Did Win This Election.’ Those, of course, join the ranks of other great titles, like ‘People Are Flushing Toilets 10 Times, 15 Times,’ ‘The Kidney Has a Very Special Place in the Heart,’ ‘Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV: The Book,’ and, of course, ‘In Europe, They Live, Their Forest Cities. They Are Called Forest Cities, They Maintain Their Forests, They Manage Their Forests. I Was With the Head of a Major Country — It’s a Forest City.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“The big bombshell from these books is an account of the infamous moment during the D.C. Black Lives Matter protest when the big strong law and order president hid in an underground bunker. The ex-president was so embarrassed when his little hidy-hole adventure was leaked that he reportedly said, ‘Whoever did that, they should be charged with treason,’ adding, ‘They should be executed.’ Careful, sir, if you start executing people for leaking, you’ll have to find a new lawyer.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Tonight’s Monologue: Trump says whoever 'leaked' data on his White House bunker keep ought to be 'executed,' the Olympics’ new bizarre medal rule, and Biden’s “red phone” with China. #FallonMono #FallonTonight pic.twitter.com/hm3CYZwVps

— The Tonight Show (@FallonTonight) July 15, 2021

“In Trump’s defense, he didn’t want to stay in that bunker, but once he went down all those stairs, there’s no way he’s going back up.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Speaking of Trump, a new book just came out that describes ‘anarchy and chaos’ in the final days of his administration. Yeah, the final days were ‘anarchy and chaos,’ as opposed to the early days of Omarosa and Scaramucci that were a well-oiled machine, I guess.” — JIMMY FALLON

The Punchiest Punchlines (‘Good 4 You’ Edition)

“Pop star Olivia Rodrigo met with President Biden and Dr. Anthony Fauci today to discuss coronavirus vaccine outreach. That story, again: America’s No. 1 teen idol met with Joe Biden and Olivia Rodrigo.” — SETH MEYERS

“Vaccination rates are especially low among the younglings, so today pop star Olivia Rodrigo went to the White House to promote vaccines. Rodrigo told everyone who has already been vaxxed, ‘Good for you, you look happy and healthy.’ If you didn’t get that reference, I’m guessing you’ve been eligible for a vaccine since December.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“There she is about to enter the same door used by historical figures like James Monroe, Abraham Lincoln and Kid Rock.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Bits Worth Watching

The comic Phoebe Robinson, who was the visitor host on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” stunned the Scripps National Spelling Bee champion Zaila Avant-garde with an look from Bill Murray.

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Lorde will carry out her new single, “Solar Power,” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”

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